from the quill of Antisthenes
A new show is coming to the town. You may have seen the teaser ad on all ALP TV channels. It seems that the name had not been settled upon by the producers, but surely it would be something great. The Great Tax Robbery? The Greatest Amoral Challenge of the Century? The Great Taxgate? Convenient Lies?
Those are tough economic times but the publicity shy, modest and incorruptible economist, “just call me Ross” had worked out on a computer it won’t cost him a single cent. That’s great relief for all of us. The show is to have a cast of thousands, well perhaps hundreds, all familiar faces from the previous sitcoms – Save the Whales, Save Wayne Goss, Save Wayne Swan etc., all supplied by the always reliable Get Up, Get Down but Always Left casting agency.
The chief stunts adviser, the gaia renown Dr Timothy Flannery, expert paleo-mammarist, undoubtedly had influenced the selection of main characters, Cate and Julia, even though the use of a word ‘character’ might be in their case an oxymoron. Wayne, Greg, Penny and other has-beens were dusted off and promised lucrative supporting roles.
Endangered tree performances by people posing as actors, positioned on the chalked floor spots in front of a most amateurish set seen on television since Jones’ Q & Jones’ A we got used to and now expect nothing else. But that set! Do they think Australians are stupid? No water cooling towers with the dramatic plumes of water vapour and not a single hockey stick in sight! What happened to the truth in advertising?
And a plot? TV shows are not supposed to have any, as it would just distract viewers’ attention from the advertisements. Still, as far as we can glean, the plot is likely to be based on a solid scientific premise that a carbon is a dangerous gas and if not taxed out of existence, it would inevitably cause the demise of mankind. The second premise introduced to provide a discerning viewer with the necessary tension is that all consenting scientists know that carbon dioxide, carbon for short, is a black, poisonous gas which has to be taxed if the government is not to go bankrupt in next few years.
An intriguing sub-plot is something called „climate change“ which „the goodies” a.k.a. the Caring Labor Government have to oppose at any costs, even at the cost of extintion of humanity. Additionaly, the sub-plot provides another mind boggling question for a viewer – does „the climate change“ mean a global warming or a global coolling? The hapless viewer would have to wait for the final episode. In the meantime, what will save the planet? A bicyckle or V8 Ford? The producers, of course, know the answer already. In the obligatory final sunset shot we will see them and the carefully pre-selected cast riding in V12 Maseratis to the bank.
As in all profitable shows, the good will win over the evil – the brave labor government has to prevail over dastardly villains – the citizens. Still, perhaps a full scale TV series is unlikely as it would need millions of un-volunteers. On second thought, was it Bob Hawke or Paul Keating who said you can’t loose election by overestimating a stupidity of Australian public? If the comedy goes ahead and perhaps lowers the global temperature by a stagerring 0.01°C by the end of the century, it could be the most costly show in the Australian history. And certainly for the long, long time the last.
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