…from the quill of Antisthenes the Younger
Ordinary human beings endured yet another Great Saturday Night Candle fight for the souls and shekels of fledgling eco-flagellanti. It was the daughter dark night of the mother of all darker nights to come. Or rather it would be if eight billion people did not ignore the shrill war cries and watched instead ****you have talent! or alternatively warmed up their vegan rolls on buffalo excrement fire, as their fancy and their geographical location took them.
It is increasingly obvious that underlying the overt battle to brown the planet is a silent war between Gaians and Earthlings. For normal people, the difference between those two religious tribes is like a difference between mushrooms grown on bull-shit and those grown on cow-shit – it is simply a matter of the lack of taste of enviro-cognoscenti. It is however important to remember that, as opposed to ordinary champignons, those fanatical tribes are harmful to the human race and toxic even in small dosages.
Both warring parties fired warning shots well before the Dark Hour; Father Brown first by his homily to faithful Tasmanian earthians. This expression, earthians, just as the rest of his speech*, left most of the normal people speechless, exactly as intended. Some optimists read into that aberrant spelling the smouldering of potential schism. Perhaps the Earthlings are the faction led by High Priestess-in-waiting L. Rhianon and Earthians follow the High Priest B. Brown? Others point out that ‘earthlings’ is the traditional mode of address used for us by our formerly frequent inter-planetary visitors. These, according to Dr Brown, died out because they had neither the Earth Hour nor Carbon Tax. Out of the ashes of the numerous non-Green-voting civilisations springs Dr Brown’s neologism. If Brown’s extraterrestrials are indeed as extinct as honest Labor politicians, they are unlikely to complain to His Honour Finkelstein. A human being could be forgiven for assuming that that Brown lives on a totally different planet, or perhaps on Luna.
Not to be outdone on the lunacy front, Mother Gaia’s Űber Kommissar Flannery arranged for his acolytes to bestow on him a membership in the Australian Academy of Science. Two achievements at one herd vote; he cowed yet another institution into submission to his religion, Islam-like, and made it to sanctify his dogma, at least in the eyes of the illiterate journalists. Furthermore, this act, also designed to flush out any remaining scientists from there, proved that Flannery’s Gaia is in the Australian Academy of Science’s safe hands, just as Lysenko theories were in the hands of the Soviet Academy of Science. No, nobody resigned in protest. Not then, during Stalin’s times, not now, during Gillard’s times. Flannery’s flanks are covered.
The struggle for power and riches between those Australian shamans goes on and it is to early to declare a winner, though the loosers, the ordinary Australians, can be declared already. In the meantime the tribe of goroids overseas has a good laugh for they shall inherit the Earth.
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Below is a picture of the Grandmaster Gore’ eco-cottage. Admire what your shekels achieved already, earthlings (or earthians as the case may be) !
*/ beside his pseudo-Spilbergian extra-terrestrial insights, Dr Brown in his homily also called for ‘one leader, one government’ etc. , the idea obviously plagiarised from, at its time equally ridiculed, Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Führer speech of one of his predecessor.