To knit or not to knit?

…from the quill of Antisthenes the Younger

My knowledge of the productive or other lives of XXI century aristocracy is sadly lacking. I was so pleased that a gall from Tasmania got herself pregnant by a putative British King until somebody pointed out to me that the improvement in genetic line is happening in Denmark – four children to our Mary and their Frederik so far. Since then I discovered that Mary’s both parents are Scottish, so any DNA enhancement is likely to be only marginal.

Thus it was for the forthcoming offspring of Duke and Duchess of Cambridge our considerate Prime Minister knitted a kangaroo on the pages of Women’s Weekly. Perhaps some explanation is in order – Duke is also known as Prince William, Duchess is Kate Middleton, a kangaroo is a marsupial associated in popular mythology with Australia and that Prime Minister, now ex-Prime Minister is.. oh, a waste of space, and likely defamatory, so if you are so interested, find her on Wikipedia.

The Women’s Weekly, with 500,000 copies a month, is the largest circulation magazine in Australia. If I wanted to be unkind, I would mention that WW ceased to be weekly in 1982, but neither the readership, nor the editors seem to have noticed or bother. Only the company accountants are able to count weeks, months and dollars. For fairness sake – the official WW explanation is that ‘women’s monthly’ is a slang for menstruation and thus inappropriate. I would not know.

I read somewhere that when WW has an image of the British Royal family in any combination on the cover, the news-stand sales almost double. No need to worry about any increase in monthly/weekly royal items on Fog of Chaos; the editors hope that the readers have higher IQ than that.

I guess that when the accountants of WW directed to put Julia Gillard on the cover, it was for a tax deduction. Either that, or some Highlander’s idea of what his boss should be doing instead of worrying her pretty head with a possible challenge to her throne by Kevin The Truthful. The Prime Minister spent more than five hours in a royal roo knitting photo session. As all but certain Scots know, kangaroos are not cuddly and are now mostly utilised as a pet food. Their skins are just left to rot thanks to the US media envirofascists. Clearly, the most appropriate symbol of Australia.

Gillard is off the political scene for a time being, but it puzzled me what the other desperate politicians would do to get on the cover of Womens Weekly. Lacking imagination, the only question for them is – to knit or not to knit? What to knit is easy.

Malcolm Turnbull, a Labor Party Trojan horse in the Liberal Party, avowed republican, hoping he would be a first President of the People’s Democratic Republic of Australia, would, if he was able, undoubtedly knit a dingo. A dingo is a recent arrival to Australia, a pack hunter and a carrion eater, with fur running from black in the north to very pale in the south, a chameleon of the bush.

I guess that Tony Abbott would not knit. He is now so well trained by the media that he is afraid to breathe so as not to be accused of being a conservative.

Ms Christine Milne, a leader of the remnants of the Green Party could do nothing else but knit her idol, Bob Brown, in tasteful pink.

Labor MP Stephen Conroy resigned in a huff following the Rudd’s revival, but since he has Duke and Duchess of Cambridge affiliations, being born in Cambridgeshire, England, he just may knit a gag; that is all he can do and think about.

A rock solid Stalinist Ms Lea Rhiannon, for lack of better offer momentarily in the Green Party, would lovingly knit a cuddly bear, sorry, Beria. Her acolyte and similarly pink/green Sarah Coral Hanson-Young, who managed to take time of her busy schedule representing her South Australian constituents to campaign in US presidential elections, would undoubtedly knit Obama.

Obviously, Labor senator and minister Penny Wong is beyond such sissy feminine pursuits, but somehow I feel that if she did knit something, it would be in all the colours of the rainbow and of the shape normally not mentioned in a polite society.

And PM Kevin? Kevin, of course, would go and knit himself.

About Antisthenes

A Greek philosopher, a pupil of Socrates. Led a revolt, with Diogenes, against the demands of the city-state and the sophistication of life. Accepted the interrelation of knowledge, virtue, and happiness; and sought the ideal condition for happiness in return to primitivism and self-sufficiency. Rejected all social distinctions as based on convention, scorned orthodox religion as a fabrication of lies, and studied early legends and animal life in order to arrive at a true understanding of natural law. The individual was free and self-sufficient when he was master of his passions, secure in his intelligence, impervious to social or religious demands, and satisfied with the poverty of a mendicant. Needless to say, a person who on the Fog of Chaos adopted the Athenian philosopher's name has nothing whatsoever in common with him.
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3 Responses to To knit or not to knit?

  1. Taurus says:

    re – weekly or monthly. Maybe they worried they’d put off all the post-menopausal women.

  2. Kevlar Stephen says:

    Yeah, what a pitiful lot; anti-monarchists panting for the Imperial Honours. Vote Greens, the only true socialists!

  3. Benjamin Sloane says:

    We can expect many inane stunts, like PGN solution.

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